I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
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