What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
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