Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.