My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.