Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
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