How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
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