I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Car puns are really tiring
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
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