What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What are police cars made of?
Copper
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
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