I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What are police cars made of?
Copper
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
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