I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
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