My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Go to BabaMail
