What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!