How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Only a**holes use bidets.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
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