What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
All farts...are laughing gas.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
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