Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
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