What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
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