I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
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