You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.