Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”