Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.