A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.