My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.