I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.