I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.