An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.