What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.