What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.