I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.