I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
New electric trains will run on conductors.