Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
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