Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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