Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
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