Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
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