I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
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