What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss