I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
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