My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What does a house wear?
Address.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
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