What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Go to BabaMail
