How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
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