Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Why do travel nurses and boxers get along?
They know how to stick and move.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
*nurse flips on a light switch*
“The Doctor will see you now.”
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
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