Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
“Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected.
I mean, the gall...
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
She was really itching to get out of here.
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
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