A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.
Nurse: Fine. Suture self.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected.
I mean, the gall...
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Go to BabaMail
