Not feeling well? Let our Doctor Puns take care of you!

Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?

"Since I was Lidl."
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.