My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
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