Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
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