I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Orange you excited for Halloween?
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Go to BabaMail
