My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
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