Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.