How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.