I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
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