The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
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