I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
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