I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
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