The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
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