Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
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