My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
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