Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Go big or go gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.