What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
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