Ants in your plants.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Long thyme no see.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
We’re mint to be.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Don’t moss around.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Your good weed for the day.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
In on the ground flora.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
All things must grass.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Your good seed for the day.
That’s a bit mulch.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Let me plant one on ya!
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