Herb your enthusiasm.
One trick peony.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Do you need some encourage-mint?
In the eyes of the lawn.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I beg your garden?
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Have you botany plants lately?
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Trowel and error.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Let me plant one on ya!
We’re mint to be.
In on the ground flora.
I’m very frond of you.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Seed between the lines.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
That’s a bit mulch.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
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