What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
One trick peony.
All things must grass.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Seed between the lines.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I beg your garden?
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Herb your enthusiasm.
I beg your garden?
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Ants in your plants.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Let me plant one on ya!
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.