I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Seed between the lines.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Let me plant one on ya!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
All clover the world.
I’m very frond of you.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Have you botany plants lately?
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
In the eyes of the lawn.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
You’re unbeleafable.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Don’t moss around.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
One trick peony.
I’m rooting for you!
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Long thyme no see.
Your good seed for the day.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
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