The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
I’m very frond of you.
In the eyes of the lawn.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
That’s a bit mulch.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
One trick peony.
Leaf me alone.
I beg your garden?
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Long thyme no see.
All things must grass.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Herb your enthusiasm.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
It’s party thyme.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Your good weed for the day.
All clover the world.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
In on the ground flora.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!