What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
In on the ground flora.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Long thyme no see.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Don’t moss around.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Have you botany plants lately?
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
It’s party thyme.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Leaf me alone.
That’s a bit mulch.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I’m very frond of you.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
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