Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
I’ll never leaf you.
I’m very frond of you.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
All things must grass.
I beg your garden?
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Let me plant one on ya!
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
One trick peony.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Your good seed for the day.
I beg your garden?
In on the ground flora.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
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