How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Your good seed for the day.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I beg your garden?
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
One trick peony.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
It’s party thyme.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Ants in your plants.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I’m very frond of you.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Herb your enthusiasm.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Don’t moss around.
In the eyes of the lawn.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
We’re mint to be.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Long thyme no see.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
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