I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Let me plant one on ya!
I’m kind of a big dill.
All clover the world.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
In the eyes of the lawn.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
One more thyme.
I’m very frond of you.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Seed between the lines.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Herb your enthusiasm.
I’m rooting for you!
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
In on the ground flora.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Your good seed for the day.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
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