In the eyes of the lawn.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I’m rooting for you!
One trick peony.
I’m very frond of you.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Leaf me alone.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
In on the ground flora.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
We’re mint to be.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Your good weed for the day.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Your good seed for the day.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
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