I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
I’ll never leaf you.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Your good seed for the day.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Ants in your plants.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Your good weed for the day.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Have you botany plants lately?
I’m very frond of you.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I’m kind of a big dill.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Seed between the lines.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I’m rooting for you!
I beg your garden?
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Herb your enthusiasm.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
You’re unbeleafable.
We’re mint to be.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
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