I’m very frond of you.
All clover the world.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
You’re unbeleafable.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Ants in your plants.
Leaf me alone.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
One more thyme.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Herb your enthusiasm.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I beg your garden?
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
One trick peony.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I’m rooting for you!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Seed between the lines.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Long thyme no see.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Trowel and error.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Don’t moss around.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Go to BabaMail
