Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Let me plant one on ya!
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
You’re unbeleafable.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
It’s party thyme.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Your good seed for the day.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
I’m kind of a big dill.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
In the eyes of the lawn.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
I’ll never leaf you.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I’m very frond of you.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Have you botany plants lately?
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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