Your good seed for the day.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Ants in your plants.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
It’s party thyme.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I beg your garden?
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Leaf me alone.
Your good weed for the day.
Have you botany plants lately?
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I’m very frond of you.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
We’re mint to be.
I’m rooting for you!
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Trowel and error.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
That’s a bit mulch.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Let me plant one on ya!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
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