What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Your good seed for the day.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
One trick peony.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I’m very frond of you.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Leaf me alone.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Long thyme no see.
I’m rooting for you!
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Ants in your plants.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
We’re mint to be.
All clover the world.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Trowel and error.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
All things must grass.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!