In the eyes of the lawn.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I’m kind of a big dill.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Your good seed for the day.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Long thyme no see.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
One more thyme.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I’m very frond of you.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
All clover the world.
Your good weed for the day.
I beg your garden?
That’s a bit mulch.
I’ll never leaf you.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I’m rooting for you!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
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