Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
That’s a bit mulch.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
We’re mint to be.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Let me plant one on ya!
All things must grass.
Long thyme no see.
One more thyme.
Your good seed for the day.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
It’s party thyme.
Leaf me alone.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Your good weed for the day.
Ants in your plants.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Have you botany plants lately?