Leaf me alone.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Ants in your plants.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
One more thyme.
In on the ground flora.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
We’re mint to be.
I’ll never leaf you.
All things must grass.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Your good weed for the day.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
You’re unbeleafable.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
It’s party thyme.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
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