If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
That’s a bit mulch.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
All things must grass.
Your good seed for the day.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
You’re unbeleafable.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
It’s party thyme.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
I beg your garden?
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
One more thyme.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
All clover the world.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Leaf me alone.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
One trick peony.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Long thyme no see.
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