Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I’m kind of a big dill.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Herb your enthusiasm.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
I’m rooting for you!
I’ll never leaf you.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Let me plant one on ya!
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
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