One more thyme.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I beg your garden?
Ants in your plants.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Herb your enthusiasm.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Leaf me alone.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
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