Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
It’s party thyme.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
One more thyme.
Don’t moss around.
One trick peony.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
I’m very frond of you.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Your good seed for the day.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Trowel and error.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
We’re mint to be.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
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