All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
We’re mint to be.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Have you botany plants lately?
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I beg your garden?
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Ants in your plants.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Leaf me alone.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I’m very frond of you.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
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