Scarecrows always garden their patch.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
I beg your garden?
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I’m rooting for you!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Ants in your plants.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Your good weed for the day.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Have you botany plants lately?
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
I beg your garden?
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
All things must grass.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Trowel and error.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
One trick peony.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
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