What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Don’t moss around.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
We’re mint to be.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
You’re unbeleafable.
Leaf me alone.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Your good weed for the day.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I beg your garden?
In the eyes of the lawn.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Your good seed for the day.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
That’s a bit mulch.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Long thyme no see.
I’m rooting for you!
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