Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I’m very frond of you.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Seed between the lines.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Long thyme no see.
I’ll never leaf you.
All things must grass.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Let me plant one on ya!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
One trick peony.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Herb your enthusiasm.
I beg your garden?
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I’m rooting for you!
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
You’re unbeleafable.
Your good weed for the day.
Don’t moss around.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
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