Let’s take a leaf of faith.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
In the eyes of the lawn.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
One trick peony.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
I’m very frond of you.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Let me plant one on ya!
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Trowel and error.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Have you botany plants lately?
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
One more thyme.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
That’s a bit mulch.
Leaf me alone.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
In on the ground flora.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I’ll never leaf you.
Your good seed for the day.
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