I’m very frond of you.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
All things must grass.
Seed between the lines.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Your good weed for the day.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Ants in your plants.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Don’t moss around.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
It’s party thyme.
One more thyme.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
That’s a bit mulch.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Let me plant one on ya!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Your good seed for the day.
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