Have you botany plants lately?
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
One trick peony.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
I’m kind of a big dill.
Leaf me alone.
I’ll never leaf you.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Seed between the lines.
I beg your garden?
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Your good seed for the day.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
We’re mint to be.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
All things must grass.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Don’t moss around.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Ants in your plants.
One more thyme.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
It’s party thyme.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
All clover the world.
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