Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I beg your garden?
One trick peony.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Trowel and error.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Ants in your plants.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Seed between the lines.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
I’m very frond of you.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Don’t moss around.
I’m rooting for you!
One more thyme.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
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