What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Ants in your plants.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
One more thyme.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Seed between the lines.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I beg your garden?
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I’ll never leaf you.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Have you botany plants lately?
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Don’t moss around.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
I’m rooting for you!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
All things must grass.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
It’s party thyme.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
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