What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I couldn't chair less!
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.