How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Nothing really mattress.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
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