What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I couldn't chair less!
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Nothing really mattress.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
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