What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
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