A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I couldn't chair less!
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.