What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Nothing really mattress.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
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