I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Nothing really mattress.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
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