What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
If pronouncing b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian...
Then Soviet
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
“Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.”
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I saw the chicken quickly crossing the basketball court? Then I remembered that the referee was blowing fowls.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Don’t moss around.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
I violated grammar rules, so I got punished with the death sentence.
Death.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
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