What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
My moment in the sun.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet?
A UF-hoe.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
I was gonna walk barefoot through the yard.
But that would cause an ecological crisis.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Did you hear about the colorful sea cow?
Oh the hue-manatee!!!
There’s no reason to wine about you.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
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