What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
For instant fun, just add water.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why did the credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Join us for a slice of fun.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
What do you think the boy star told the girl star? I really glow for you.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
I’m feelin’ green.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
What superlative did Robert E. Lee win in high school?
Most likely to secede!
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
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