How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
"Reti or not, here I come!"
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
This weekend is going to be LITerary.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival
My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Shake your shamrocks.
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
Go to BabaMail
