A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I think you're mer-mazing.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
"Just looking on the sunny side."
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
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