Nothing really mattress.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Goat milk?
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
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