How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
That look soots you.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What genre of music do elves love to listen to? Wrap.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
My friend asked me whether I was ready to pick apples this fall? I apple-solutely was.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
That’s a-may-zing!
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
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